Why I became a Doula and my journey there.

You would think that this would be an easy explanation, such as, I love babies, or pregnancy and birth fascinate me. Yes, those things are true but there is so much more to the path that led me here. I remember all the way back to elementary school, my best friend at the time, was sure she wanted to be a midwife. I remember thinking it was cool that she knew exactly what she wanted. I on the other hand just wanted to be a Doctor. I did not know what kind, I just wanted to help people and care for people and a doctor just made sense. I use to perform “surgery” on my baby dolls, I would pretend to remove their tonsils, give them injections, and care for them as if they were sick. I became obsessed with the TV show Rescue 911 and would daydream about being the one to save people. My mother always told me I was so nurturing. She always called me her little doctor and told me I made her feel safe and cared for. She always saw this in me.

Years went on and I was in high school. When it came time to do the SATs and start talking about college, I shared with the guidance counselor that I wanted to be a Doctor. I was a good student and made the honor or high honor roll every semester. My “guidance” counselor told me she thought it was a bad idea because I’d struggle. She said kids who want to be doctors and succeed at it, get straight A’s. My heart was crushed, I thought I wasn’t good enough and I never pursued what I thought was my dream. However, I would not change the path I ended up following because I wouldn’t be who I am today! I know, cliche, but very true!

So here I was, a shy teenager, not really sure where I was going or what I was doing. I worked part-time at Dunkin’ Donuts, where my sister had worked before me. This Dunkin’ Donuts was across the street from City Hall and the City Clerk would come in for coffee every week and small talk with me. One day soon before my High School graduation, he offered me a job as a temp in his office. I accepted! I had no idea why he chose me but I thought, what a great opportunity! I got to help with the elections and ballots, and I was even asked to answer the phone for the mayor’s office a few times. Glad I got to experience this, but it wasn’t for me. I was there for about 7 months when in February 1997 my orthodontist called me into his office after telling me my braces would come off the next visit. He also offered me a job as an assistant and said he would train me! I thought what a better opportunity and it’s in the medical field! Again, I had no idea why I had gotten so lucky, but here I was being offered another job. I began working there on March 10, 1997, and after only three months I challenged the test for dental X-ray certification and passed! Things were going well.

In the summer of 1997, I had my first experience with birth, My sister asked me to be her coach during her first labor and birth. I was over the moon and very willing. I had no idea how to be a coach and went in blind, thinking I will just hold her hand and tell her I loved her. Once my baby niece was born and I had witnessed the miracle of birth I was flooded with emotions of amazement and love. If I was a nurse I could do this every day, I thought. However, I did just start a new job that I enjoyed and was fortunate to be able to train on the job. Financially this was a great opportunity and I was in the medical field, so I guess that was good enough. Two years later in 1999, I challenged the test to become a certified orthodontic assistant and passed that too! My confidence was building, I was having fun working with the girls that had now become my friends, and I was learning every day.

On October 27, 2000, I gave birth to my first baby, our daughter Jade. My job security became more important to me. I liked my job, I enjoyed the patients and loved giving them a reason to smile, but something started to feel like it was missing. I started feeling like nothing I did was good enough. The part I loved most about my job, making people smile, was such a small piece of what I did every day. It was stressful and fast-paced and I couldn’t spend as much time making the patients feel as comfortable and happy as I wanted to. My caring and nurturing personality got in the way it seemed. I was encouraged to work faster and harder with everything except what mattered to me most, caring for others. I had a daughter now and needed to support her. I was afraid of change. I would think to myself, orthodontics was all I knew. What if I failed at something new? What if the grass wasn’t greener on the other side? Do I want to stay in the dental field? This was a constant battle in my brain and I couldn’t shut it off. 

Then my life started changing. In 2003 I met the love of my life, Tony, and we were married on May 18, 2007. We had our son, Joseph, on June 26, 2008. Soon after, I decided to start taking classes to become a nurse. My life was more stable and I had my husband’s support. I was applying for loans and taking classes; all of which I was acing by the way; but I was getting stressed about all this money I had to pay back. I wanted to be a nurse but only because I wanted to be in labor and delivery. Then my brain started again. What if I became a nurse and couldn’t get into labor and delivery? What if I can’t find a job and I can’t pay these loans? What if I hate being a nurse? What if, what if, what if? Then July 22, 2009, my mom passed away. My mom was my support system, my rock, my everything. It was all too much, I had so many doubts, and I ended my journey to become a nurse.

So here I am still in orthodontics, loved the patients, but the work was stressing me out and it was hard getting up in the morning. I was in this loop for so long and I was tired. There seemed to be no way out. Around this time, when I was going through my worst of times, we hired a new employee that became one of my best friends. When it is said that people come into your life for a reason, it’s so very true. She came into mine to help me see what an amazing, caring, strong, capable person I was. She knew of my passion and suggested to me that I become a Doula. I had no prior knowledge of what a Doula did, but I had heard of the term here and there. I looked into it and was intrigued. I came so close to signing up for the training, but I was scared. My kids were still little, I had job security, my mom was no longer here, and I felt I needed her support. I didn’t sign up, but I never stopped thinking about it. I tried to shadow at other orthodontic offices to see if a change in the atmosphere would help, but nothing felt right, it needed to feel right and I needed to have no doubts. As my good friend shared with me, when you are ready to make changes you will know, and you will. I continued on in orthodontics for years, until 2020.

Yes, the pandemic changed everything for me, as it did many others. It was a mind reset. I realized how happy I was when I didn’t have to go to the office. I realized that we would be ok if I wasn’t working as much as I used to. My kids were older now and more independent, so I started looking into Doula training again. I found a Birth Doula workshop in December 2020 and signed up for it. I was blown away! I couldn’t stop wanting to learn more. This was what I’m supposed to be doing! I was still nervous about leaving a steady job and starting a new career, but it felt different. What I was doing felt right. The Doula community was so helpful and caring. They wanted to see each other succeed and it was all about their clients and helping each other. My heart flooded with love for these ladies. I told my employer in January 2021 that I would be leaving in about one year. I had felt guilty about leaving since I had been there so long but it was time for me to be happy. I felt a year’s notice was more than fair and I needed time to get my business going. My business! If you had asked me a few years ago if I’d start my own business I would have laughed in your face. But when something is right, it is easy. I had no reservations and I knew I could and would succeed. 

During the summer of 2021, I started my training to become a PAILAdvocate (pregnancy and infant loss advocate). Around this same time, I was asked to join an agency by the Doula who had been guiding and encouraging me along my journey. This Doula became my friend and my mentor. By October 2021 I was part of her agency. On November 1, 2021, my business Devoted Doula became official!  I gave a 3-month notice to the Orthodontic office with an end date of January 27, 2022. This was so very bittersweet but well overdue. 

On November 12, 2021, I officially became a PAILAdvocate. In January 2022 I completed my Postpartum Doula training and in February 2022 I completed my Lactation Educator training. This is when I began to pour my heart and soul into caring for my clients. In July 2022 I submitted my packet for Birth Doula certification and passed. On July 26, 2022, I officially became a Certified Birth Doula!

WOW, I actually did this! I found my calling! Paths and doors keep opening up for me and I see angel numbers constantly, including my mom’s birthdate. I know she is guiding me and encouraging me to keep going. I can finally use the skills I was meant to use. My caring, nurturing nature is now the main tool in what I do. I spend my days chatting with my clients, encouraging them, supporting them, and helping them feel heard. Which is easy because now I feel heard! I know, now, why people kept offering me jobs, I am a good, kind person with a big heart, I’m self-motivated, and I’m loved. I understand now, why my sister and then two of my nieces wanted my support during their labor and births. I finally see what others see in me. I know that I am an amazing Doula! The best part of all of this is that I’ve taught my children that it’s never too late to follow your dreams and it all starts with believing in yourself!